BULLYING

Bullying can have a profound and lasting impact on a person. It can cause anger, upset and have a very detrimental effect on a person’s self-esteem. When a person has been bullied the after effects can vary but there are some very common patterns of behaviour, thought and feeling which often result.

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Exam Stress

Whatever the cause, PSTEC can be targeted where it is needed leaving the child feeling much calmer and more confident. It is quite common for exam stress to disappear by merely removing the stress relating to other unrelated traumas. This then allows them to use up the energy that was being wasted on the excessive anxiety/stress and use it to plan and get work done.

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ANGER

Like most emotions anger can serve a useful purpose in certain situations. Despite this all too often excess anger manifests in situations in which it really isn’t warranted. For the person who is experiencing the anger, it often feels as though it is the surface level triggers which are causing the response. 

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Self Hate

Many adults and children hate themselves. Most of them know at a logical level that there is no good reason to hate themselves and that they have good friends and family who love them. Self-hate often stems from bullying or abuse though the specific cause can vary wildy. Imagine a person was bullied mercilessly at primary school and told on a daily basis that they were ugly and stupid.

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Upset

There are many upsetting events and situations the children can go through which lead to them carrying around of lot of hurt and upset. This can leaving quiet and withdrawn as well as getting upset very easily.

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BULLYINGOptimized-bullying

Bullying can have a profound and lasting impact on a person. It can cause anger, upset and have a very detrimental effect on a person’s self-esteem. When a person has been bullied the after effects can vary but there are some very common patterns of behaviour, thought and feeling which often result.

For some there is a permanent raising of background anger. After all if a person feels under attack over a period of time it makes sense for their brains to come to the conclusion that the world is a dangerous place and anger offers some protection. If a background feeling of anger is present, the person is far more likely to bubble over into an outburst more easily.

Often the person in question will assume that it is the minor surface level incidents which are setting them off. For example a child who was bullied at primary school may respond with excessive anger if a teacher reprimands them. The child will likely have no idea that the real cause of their anger is largely the historical events in their life.

Similarly, anxiety is another emotional lever that can get permanently raised after bullying. In small doses anxiety can make a person more alert and if danger is present they may be able to detect it sooner and deal with it. However anxiety has a nasty habit of continually increasing to a point where it becomes debilitating. Moreover, as with anger, once the bullying stops the anxiety often remains, leaving the sufferer more likely to feel fearful at things which otherwise they wouldn’t.

Social anxiety is a common side effect for those who have been bullied as understandably their subconscious minds are trying to protect them from potential attack in social situations.

Depending on the nature of the bullying, self-hate and low self-esteem often ensues. With verbal abuse in particular, it’s almost as if the words of the bullies become internalised and form part of the person’s thought processes. Often it is only when questioned that the person realises they have no logical or rational argument for why they hate themselves. It is just a feeling and for this reason trying to alter this thinking at the “talking therapy” level can be lengthy and short lived.

In fact when it comes to any powerful negative emotions, in our experience counselling can struggle to make an impact. The good news is that PSTEC can quickly chip away at the bad feelings leaving a person feeling much calmer and at peace with whatever they were focusing on. The most important aspect of this is that alongside feeling better, a turning down of emotions can often allow people to think with greater clarity and either move on or deal more effectively with what they are going through.

EXAM STRESS Optimized-exam stress

Although the symptoms of exam stress/anxiety seem quite obvious and straight forward, the structure of the problem can differ from person to person. Here are the most common scenarios:

  1. The child is feeling the pressure, maybe because a mock exam didn’t go as well as expected or just that the sheer volume of work is making them feel overwhelmed. Other than the pressure in school the child is fine with no other stressors going on.
  2. The child has an entrenched fear of failure. Whether this is caused by very high expectations from parents/teachers/themselves. Often these capable children struggle to the do the necessary work because they are crippled with anxiety which prevents clarity of thought and can cause a person to act as if they are a deer in the headlights.
  3. Many children have anxiety and stressors unrelated to school or exams. This could be caused by past traumas which they haven’t quite gotten over such as parents splitting up, a death in the family, being the victim of bullying or any number of other stressors. In other words the exam stress is merely topping up the anxiety and pushing them over the edge. 

Whatever the cause, PSTEC can be targeted where it is needed leaving the child feeling much calmer and more confident. It is quite common for exam stress to disappear by merely removing the stress relating to other unrelated traumas. This then allows them to use up the energy that was being wasted on the excessive anxiety/stress and use it to plan and get work done.

ANGER Optimized-anger

Like most emotions anger can serve a useful purpose in certain situations. Despite this all too often excess anger manifests in situations in which it really isn’t warranted. For the person who is experiencing the anger, it often feels as though it is the surface level triggers which are causing the response. Very often though, the anger stems from historical events, or other unrelated events without any awareness of this. Most of us have the experience of being stressed at work and being more irritable or angry towards loved ones. Later in retrospect it often becomes clear that we haven’t been ourselves due to the other pressures in our lives. What many do not know is the profound and lasting impact that historical events can have on the way we interpret and experience the world.

In school children in particular, one of the most common causes of background anger is bullying – either ongoing or historical. Our subconscious mind feels under attack and therefore often produces anger as a protection mechanism. Sadly once the brain increases background anger, even when the bullying, abuse or whatever the causal trauma was has stopped, the anger often remains.

Whether the anger stems from historical events, current situations or aimed at specific people, so long as the person is ready to let go of the anger it can be done quickly and easily. Removing anger leaves a person feeling much calmer and happier.

There are some important points to note about anger. It actually can be beneficial in certain scenarios. If a person is physically under attack or is suffering some huge injustice, the anger can help them defend themselves or motivate them to take action against the injustice.

A good way to think about anger is to think about whatever the desired outcome is in any given situation. For example if under attack, the desired outcome is to protect yourself from damage and get you safe. In certain situations anger can motivate one to take necessary action to overcome the injustice or whatever else has occurred. In one case a teenage boy was in a very uncertain situation at home and he felt that his background anger was helping by preventing him from becoming completely overwhelmed. He decided to keep hold of the anger for now until circumstances became a little more manageable at home, at which point he would be more open to letting go of the anger.

The sad truth is that the vast majority of anger bears no relation to where it is directed and very often doesn’t even scrape the surface of any desired outcome.

Removing anger isn’t necessarily about forgiveness and condoning anything. In fact a person can continue to think whatever they like but once the bad feeling disappears they are left feeling much calmer and happier. Moreover the removal of these emotions often results in a change of thinking; their thinking is less rigid and whatever they were thinking about seems less important.

For those experiencing ongoing bullying, by turning down the emotional response to their tormentors, very often the bullying subsides; after all it isn’t much fun when their victim is unaffected by their actions.

A certain group of angry people are merely mimicking other people. Maybe a parent or sibling habitually uses anger as a method of getting what they want. If the angry person gets a secondary gain from the angry persona such as a sense of significance and power, additional work is more likely to be required. A certain desire to change is needed for change to take place and if a person simply doesn’t engage then treatment becomes less clear cut. Similarly with those who are defiant, depending on the cause of that defiance, there has to be some desire to change for PSTEC to make the impact it is capable of.

Often those with anger stemming from historical events develop a reputation with teachers based on their volatile behaviour from the past. This can sometimes lead to them being blamed for things which they didn’t necessarily do which, because of their high background anger often leads to further confrontations. With these children in particular, once the anger disappears they need to be instructed that it is possible they may get blamed for things initially that they may not have done. This is because teachers are used to “trouble” from them and that it may take a few weeks before their teachers pick up on the new calmer person at which point this will often stop.

Optimized-upsetUPSET

There are many upsetting events and situations the children can go through which lead to them carrying around of lot of hurt and upset. This can leave them quiet and withdrawn as well as getting upset very easily.

Common causes of this include:

Unresolved Grief

Parents Separating

Bullying

Friendship breakups

Sadly there are many things that can happen to us in life that lead to background pain and upset. PSTEC can leave a child feeling more at peace with whatever they are going through.

Unresolved grief in particular can really send a child (or adult for that matter) on a downward spiral which can be difficult to halt, especially with traditional therapy. The best way of thinking about PSTEC’s role in helping those with unresolved grief is to think of it as a tool to help them out of overwhelm. All memories remain intact but the feeling that they are drowning in grief disappears leaving them better able to function in day to day life. They will always miss the person in question and that is the way it should be. However, when asked how long their loved one would want them to suffer for, the change in perspective is often enough for a person to choose to let go of some of the pain.

If a loved one died 6 months or more ago, the technique can often bring feelings of peace and acceptance. For more recent deaths, if the person feels completely overwhelmed they can attempt to use the track for a little respite but understandably some people prefer to let a little time pass before they even consider help in this area. The more recent the death and the closer the relationship may make PSTEC less impactful. However the worst case scenario is that the pain remains as it was so nothing to lose if there is a good potential outcome of feeling calmer.

With parents separating or any other cause of upset, again PSTEC can make the child resilient to whatever is occurring and better able to deal with day to day life.

Depression is a more engrained sadness that can be all encompassing. However none of us are actually born depressed and it is often the result of certain life experiences that lead us to feel that way. The feelings then fuel the disempowering thought habits which lock in place the depression. By systematically dismantling the historical causes and enabling a person to feel a little better day to day, their thought patterns become more malleable and bad habits easier to break.

SELF HATOptimized-self hateE

Many adults and children hate themselves. Most of them know at a logical level that there is no good reason to hate themselves and that they have good friends and family who love them. Self-hate often stems from bullying or abuse though the specific cause can vary wildy. Imagine a person was bullied mercilessly at primary school and told on a daily basis that they were ugly and stupid.

Years later when the bullying is a long and distant memory the person still has strong feelings of hatred for themselves and will likely have no clue that the feeling stems from the bullying. Most people are happy to be rid of the self-hate and it is often quite easy and quick to remove; the person merely brings up as much self-hate  as possible whilst thinking about themselves and apply PSTEC to the feeling. In many cases this is often all that is required to remove even years of self-hate.

Sometimes a little additional belief work needs to be done but it depends entirely on how the self-hate got there in the first place. The gift of removing a person’s self-hate is one of the best and most profound thing you can do for a person and PSTEC allows you to do it rapidly.

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